Current science says there is no such thing as time. Time is an illusion that we have established collectively to measure. We as humans have an innate need to measure and define. It’s an idea we are all trapped in.

So if time is infinite, or just an idea, we choose to make it what we want it to be.

Back when my daughter was in design school, she came to me. She was tired, working around the clock. It was fashion show time. Her collection was chosen for the spot light. All she could see was stacks of work and her focus was embedded in a sense of lack. She was sure she didn’t have enough time. She was sure her collection wasn’t going to be completed. As we talked, I shared with her something I learned from one of my retreats with Deepak Chopra. We experience where we look and what we speak. What if we began to turn our focus from the clock and work with what is your reality. Let’s focus our energy on the gaps in between the doing and honor that space. Say “thank you” out loud for this gift. Where we put our energy… expands. Good, bad, or indifferent.

The object of this process is to begin accomplishing more while doing less.

We are all allotted the same amount of hours each day. What we choose to do with them is up to us. I feel for many of us, it is important to examine where our time is going. What activities or lack there of consumes our time? What are we trying to accomplish? The first question I ask myself is “Is this mine to affect?” Because so often we feel burdened by saying yes spontaneously and walk away kicking ourselves. Knowing that something will have to be sacrificed to make room. Where do our priorities lie? Then, we feel guilty for overextending ourselves to the detriment of everything else… often our children’s or our husband’s. Their needs are pushed aside. That’s not doing anyone any good. Have you ever asked someone for a favor, and you could tell they didn’t really want to help or didn’t have the time? Didn’t their help feel more like a burden than a blessing?


In our society of busyness, our challenge is to step back into our observer space and reassess what and how we are showing up and what affect your input is actually having. Could it be done by someone else better and with more efficiency? Are you feeling depleted from this task? Do you experience joy from this interaction?

Is this mine to affect?

Often, we’re taught to be nice and taught to do and to give. I feel that it is important, once we have seen where our time is going, to understand the “why” around our need to swoop in and save the day. I find confusion around “nice”, and “kind” often the culprit. Many of us were taught to be nice. To give… give… give. At the expense of ourselves and our families. Nice is a thought that comes from our head. Niceness is carried out through a sense of obligation and can be absolutely depleting. Kindness moves through us and never takes. Maybe, just maybe, it’s not yours to do. What if by us swooping in, it wasn’t as great as it could’ve been… our attention wandering  somewhere else. The job got done, mediocre, the energy left behind, mediocre. What if in “our” need to be relevant, we usurped the real, true person, the one the task was intended for?

In our fully constructed world with every minute filled up, what if, out of nowhere, appeared our perfect opportunity. That diamond in the rough. With just the right amount of attention… who knows? You have been dreaming about something like this for so long. Oh wait, your time is all filled up…

Use your calendar and begin to schedule in the fun first. Let’s make some room for some of those activities that have been pushed aside with the onset of busy. (You know, those art projects that are hiding in the back of a closet somewhere, or that guitar that sits in the corner collecting dust.)

Create a list of the things you do in a day or a week. Keep track of how much time you spend on each activity and be truthful with yourself about what you are gaining… and what you are actually giving to each situation. After careful consideration, we begin to add in the activities that we have decided to keep. We have judiciously ran each one through the highest and best filter. Is this activity for the highest and best of my child, of the recipient, of myself, or my family at large? We add them to the calendar with ample time for each activity. Chaos begins to slip away and time becomes a non-issue.

Is this mine to affect?


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