The world greets us in compliment to how we are showing up. By that, I mean that we are like magnets. We are attracting what fits with our mode of communication. I think we have a tendency to think that if we could just get away, remove ourselves from the cancer, that we would be free.
It’s not about them anymore.
If you find yourself standing in the middle of deja vu… Or the same situations over and over again.
This one is for you.
I want to use the metaphor of a clock. The clock is your community of people. The innermost gears represent you and your family. From there, you work out into extended family, and then friends. Each gear is honed just right and turns in unison with the next to keep the time running smoothly. The slightest imbalance to one gear throws the whole mechanism off. This machine is so sensitive that to take what is seemingly a replica gear and insert in place of another may work, and it may not… unless, possibly, it’s the same exact clock.
You see where I am going here?
How are You showing up?
Unless energy is spent understanding the language you are speaking, your life is going to be groundhog day. The same situations… just different people. The same people… just different faces. So the game becomes about going inside and truly digesting what is your truth… story and emotion stripped away.
Recapitulation, the art of seeing truth, is one of the tools I used the most through this process.
Going into meditation and watching on the screen in your mind’s eye, as if you were watching a movie, is powerful. We have never really seen ourselves. We have seen our reflection. We take in what others say we look like. We see resemblances, but we have never truly seen ourselves… or the way we behave.
So watch and investigate as if it were someone else.
We take interactions from our day. The ones that made you feel awkward or uncomfortable. Or powerful. We watch free of emotion. We watch not only from our perspective but we can see clearly our impact on the other person. We are observing our interactions with the intention of learning how to position ourselves differently for a different outcome. Basically you are learning to speak a different language. Now to be clear– on the flip side, we need to digest that our dreams and wants for the perfect man and the amazing friends. The intimacy that we crave is on standby until we can receive it.
We can easily judge the inner health by the quality of our relationships.
We can all relate to having that person in our bubble that is dripping kindness, and you have absolutely no idea what to do with them… so you turn away. Or we have suspicions around motive and create a whole story to justify our repulsions, right?
We can’t receive it. Our mechanism is not set up for that… Yet!
Remember, we are working to recreate this gear so that it can turn smoothly with the man of our dreams. Each layer of story that falls away. Each cry of victimhood that is silently released changes the landscape of our inner workings.
We have a tendency to reach back grasping for what we know… I started to say what is comfortable but…
Sit quietly and take an assessment of where you are today.
- Are cycles repeating in your life?
- Are you continually in tumultuous relationships?
- How do these relationships resemble early childhood relationships?
I think often we find a very strong resemblance and until we change where we are…
Let me share a little story
When I chose to begin my healing in earnest, my children were grown, my second starting college. I had been in and out of doctor’s and therapist’s offices to keep me afloat, but this was different! I wanted to fix it… for real!
In this scenario, I was a sick person. A victim. Lots of really bad things happened when I was a child. My body was sick and my mind was tired. Tired of trying to live normally with this mental virus. I thought… I need to get out of this pond of my own making. Safe, but unchanging.
With understanding, my husband compassionately released me.
Within what felt like 20 minutes, I was surrounded by people who energetically and behaviorally resembled those that I had spent my life hiding from. It was as if I reached back and grabbed up all of those that caused me anguish and reproduced them with different faces. My life was suddenly back to the old chaos and struggle… Back to default.
But I knew it.
It was like a cartoon. Everything felt exaggerated. Familiar but foreign too.
This takes me back to what my Grandmother used to say… my Grandmother raised 52 foster children. She would say that if she didn’t get them before the age of five, they would almost invariably create the same life for themselves as their original situation.
Interesting… today’s science says the age of two. And from here it is almost irreversible. I don’t like the sound of that “irreversible” part, but I will say it is a choice. And not an easy one. It is a choice to turn the lens away from everyone else and what they are doing to you and focus instead on what you are bringing to the table. It takes diligence.
Do we have doors opened from unprocessed hurts?
Is our life created from illusion versus truth?
Only you know the answers to these questions.
Often when we find ourselves in recurring situations or the image of our life has shattered… you know, one day your life was this and the next day it was something different. Your love tells you they don’t love you or they have had an affair. If we stand still long enough, we see that what we thought was our existence, our story, is just an idea. There were many things along the way that we chose not to see or experience. We buried them away to keep the outward picture matching the idea of what we wished were true.
What we want to be true and what is our reality are often very different.
When we are living within an idea as our foundation, the ground is shaky at best. The only solid ground through our story is the strand of truth. It’s always there somewhere. That strand of truth is what you know to be true… first hand.
The rest is just hearsay.
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