We as humans, get so tangled in our emotions that truth escapes us and illusion becomes our normal state of existence. This is our first in a series addressing emotion and the havoc it creates in our lives. This havoc can be addressed by learning mindfulness; being present and in control of your emotions.
In the west, and even here in Columbia, MO, we wear our emotions proudly. While in other countries… in other traditions… say Buddhism… they work to detach. Detachment provides emotional freedom.
In my mind diffuse is a better fitting word. In our world of run, run, run there is little time, or attention, given to our hurts or circumstances in any real way. We talk about it, we whirl around with it, we carry it with us wherever we go. Some people even try some traditional methods of therapy. But still, we allow it to spill over and cover much of today’s experience; until we reach a point where there is little difference between our current circumstance, and what was. Right?
No matter where you go it comes with. Is that emotional freedom?
We have our co-stars written into roles with little chance for success. No ad-libbing allowed. Psst… they didn’t get the script. They didn’t understand that we were in rewind.
So the object becomes about being present in, and to, the emotion that is evolving in the present moment. That’s all.
Back to the wonderment of a child. That is our journey.
Think about a young child. Their emotions are completely in the now. Laughter can turn to tears with a thought. Life is not colored by yesterday. Nope… each day is a fresh start. Now that…that is emotional freedom.
Until the day when their truths and experiences are not being validated…
Or their perception of a situation comes into question…
Or secrets force their truths into hiding.
Things begin to pile up.
When things get too big children leave their bodies. They go home… to where they were before here. They still know how to get there. It hasn’t been that long. It’s a mechanism to detach from their emotions.
They have real time memories of what was happening at the very beginning… they have information about how things finished up… but have little or no knowledge of the middle. Right? They left. They weren’t there. So how uncomfortable does that feel to have blank spots in your memory?
So these magical little creatures create something new and different. They reach out, sweep up all of the yuck from the situation, the adult’s guilt as well, and file it away in a folder. The beginning is fused with whatever is necessary for that little brain to be able to get up the next day and have breakfast with… life goes on… back to normal. No one mentions it. It is as if nothing ever happened.
They only problem is it did.
We don’t know what is true or what is illusion.
And now, today, we live in a world that snaps back and forth between reality and the colored version.
Or each and every circumstance is orchestrated. Our energy is spent out in front of us. We are just sure that if we got that perfect job we would be happy. Or blame is turned outward toward others for relationship disturbances.
“You make me feel.”
Well here is the thing… no one can make you feel anything.
They may have stumbled upon some old stagnant forgotten landmine, but they can’t make you feel anything.
Today you get to make a new and different choice… if you want to. This is where mindfulness coaching can help. You can untangle your story.
What if we chose to look at this differently? What if emotion were intended to be more of a notification, or signal, of the action needed? Back to the child… he cries he wants milk… milk comes, he stops crying. He doesn’t bring the tears to the next feeding.
Emotion is a separation from Love.
Even happiness. Happiness stands alongside the fear of it being withdrawn, or taken away.
Versus a state like Joy or Love. They ride with you always. They resonate way down deep inside. No matter what the given circumstance.
Each response out of defensiveness, or blame, creates a stain that separates us from our inner love and joy; our emotional freedom. In the end it’s all about you. You are in control of how you show up in the world.
Tweaking you into perfection is how this game is played. It’s all about how you choose to walk through and interact with the challenges we are given; not to shimmy off into a corner and not play.
Use your emotions as a tool to gather information.
Actively using your meditation time, as treasure hunt time, is the fastest way to see truth… and yourself more clearly.
Here’s how it works.
We step into the shoes of the observer. You know… that part of you that is always watching. The observer has no emotional attachment to any given circumstance. She knows only truth.
I like to look at Dumbledore’s pensieve (from Harry Potter) for a perfect example of the observer. Each night he would extract his memories of the experiences of the day and place them in the pensieve… a large pedestaled bowl much like the holy water found in the Catholic church.
Anyway, can you imagine being able to just lay the burden of the day… over there?
Now the cool part is that he could stick his head back in and watch and remember, objectively.
So that’s what it feels like. You can observe situations from your life. Situations that cause you confusion, and rewind. Watch them from a place of objectivity with the intention, “What actions can I take to create a different outcome when this situation arises again?”
We can also watch circumstances from childhood with the intent of finding the pearls of truth. They are you. They are little pieces of you that got left behind.
Now here is the piece… We have to go back to the beginning. The moment the cycle began. We go back to the day that the file was created, open it, and let it all out. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
If we break a root off at ground level and toss the head aside, well the root system underground is not affected at all, and there is always a risk that the head reseeds itself, or takes root in another area.
There is no way around it.
Restoring emotions to their natural state is a deconstruction of structure, of story, of everything and all that we think we know to be true. These are the processes I go through with people everyday as a mindfulness coach.
We observe. We learn. In opening that file, we not only let the fears and emotions escape, but the wisdoms that we learned by successfully maneuvering the challenge, are released as well.
Your intention is clear before you sit, or go for your walk or run. You pick a circumstance that is causing emotional disturbance, new or old, and you ask to be shown what you need to see to create a different outcome.
And you learn.
You are recreating yourself over and over again each and every second. Either in duplicate, or just one new and different choice creates the pathway for change!
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