Relationships… What a confusing word. They say our default programing, the reactions that we pop back to in a moment of distress or confusion, is all in place by the age of seven. Think about that. By seven years old! What we absorb and deduce from our experiences creates our core beliefs, the lens we see and experience our lives through. We take what we are given without question, call it true, and from here we construct our lives. This time frame is the backbone of all that we believe to be true. Our foundation!

Our understanding of relationship and how we are viewed as individuals stems from our first introduction to other humans. Our parents and siblings. From here the bar is set for all future relationships. We learn what it takes… or what it costs… to tie ourselves to another human. I think for myself as I inched closer to another, the little voice inside of me began nagging… What are you going to have to give up? Relationship meant struggle and sacrifice. Often the idea meant my morphing into their world completely. Relationship meant being subservient, acquiescing, and ultimately one choice at a time a relinquishing of responsibility for myself.

Who are you?

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There are many aspects to understanding our ideas, expectations and our choices in people. In the stillness, by going inward, we have the ability to look closely at these foundational relationships and get a gauge on what we are presenting to the world.

Woman to woman… woman to man… child to adult… adult to child. We watch, we learn, we experience, we imitate… That’s what children do!

See through the eyes of the observer and understand how these early relationships were structured. What were the expectations and responsibilities? How does how you are interacting now resemble these childhood relationships? Are we dating someone who treats women in the same manner as dad treated mom? Or are we married to someone who is belittling or hurting us and or our children? Can you see the patterns? Does it look familiar? Does it in some way resemble how your father treated you? Only in seeing the patterns can we understand, unravel and stop repeating them.

Relationship is defined as an association or connection between two people. It’s synonym ~ dependence. Each relationship is set up with its unique set of conditions. Such as teacher to student. There is a framework of expectations and responsibilities on both sides. Much like an ethereal contract. Contrary to popular belief, parent to child is the most sacred of all. Mom and dad chose to receive a little piece of God in His most vulnerable state. He creates Himself over and over again and places Himself each time in our care… and just for extra special safety he puts Himself inside of our bodies. We can’t not give Him all that He needs or wants at that point. He is safe there… for a time. Violation of that contract, of varying degrees, is a soul violation. It creates a fisher that weaves into the way we see the world and the people in it. It weakens the internal fiber of our being. So as we begin the process of reweaving our story, it’s necessary to look closely at our early relationships and our teachers.

Woman to woman… woman to man… child to adult… adult to child. We watch, we learn, we experience, we imitate… That’s what children do!

I would like to share a pivotal experience. At 23, my partner, the father of my children, moved me away from all that was familiar. I lived comfortably in his pond. I was afforded the ability to run my own business, raise my children in a beautiful home. We wanted for nothing, yet nothing changed on the inside. Instead I adapted. I melded into his world. The difference in this life and the life I had come from was night and day. My brain would scream… I should be happy… yet I was dying on the inside. I couldn’t appreciate it. I couldn’t feel it. All of the bitterness and resentment coupled with the constant need to convince was rotting me from the inside out. I had a doctor actually tell me… you are going to die if you don’t do something different, stress kills people every day. I was at a point of do or die. I had to make some changes in a big way or be done. That was my state of mind. I was trapped in a state of sick… mentally, physically, and emotionally. My doctors believed it and most importantly my family believed it… The thought was beginning to seep in.

Affirmation: Safely anchored in Spirit I lean into the possibilities that lie before me!

Instinctually I knew that if I had any sort of chance of getting better I needed a new environment, fresh air. I needed to know what I felt like. I needed to know which thoughts were mine. I needed to prove my strength… to myself. But more than anything I needed more to understand why.

Who are you?

I talked to my partner and explained that I had to be by alone. I had to figure this out. I was on a search for me! He understood. He lived with my pain. He knew better than anyone what it was like to be me. We parted with a bow and with an eternal love in place.


Save this affirmation to your Pin board!

Well here comes the crazy part– as soon as he was out of my bubble I was surrounded by a group of people who resembled the people from my nest, the same but different. I was instantly involved in chaos. I felt like a child not being able to trust myself or anyone around me… again. Words and actions were out of sync. Nothing was what it appeared to be on the surface. The price of friendship was hefty. On my own, I got sucked back to what I knew, or where I vibrated. I hadn’t changed anything. I had just adapted. His energy elevated mine to some degree and I lowered his to some degree. Ours together create the energy my girls gravitate towards. Once I was just me… wow. That was my default. I was calling in what I was.

In our rising, we are raising our vibration and upgrading our brain. We are elevating our thoughts and our perceptions of the world. We are also elevating the conditions of relationship. Relationship is like a game between two. Every game has a set of rules to keep order. In elevating you, we are elevating the game. We are moving out of a game of kickball and learning to play the game of chess. Chess with a different set of rules is played with strategy and awareness, it is a game of the mind. We have to unlearn the kickball. It is our default. When backed against the wall, here is where we will play. We are sitting quietly enjoying our chess game and, in an instant, we slam the other with the ball we have been hiding under the table just in case or we are wide eyed after we take a hit instead. In an instant, we can be thrown back into the old set of rules and the old game. Default.

It’s all about awareness!

These are the instances we analyze. Why? What took you there? We only find these answers inside of ourselves. We attract what and who we are. We attract what we know unless we choose to learn something different. Our tendency is to turn the finger out and assign blame.

It is all you my friend.

The quality of our relationships with others can be measured by our relationship with ourselves. We are only wired to be able to receive from another what we can give to ourselves. “Love one another as you love yourself” was not a commandment, but a fact.

If you want better relationships, create a better you!


I have created a downloadable meditation exercise to have you quickly connecting spirit, heart and the third eye. From here we have the ability to explore God’s infinite “internet”. Ask and you shall receive… Enjoy exploring!

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    • Hello there Welcome! I you taking the time to comment. I am thankful for your vote of support! I do hope to see you back here and hear more of what you have to say! Keep in touch! Women coming together, arm in arm, is what it takes to create the village!

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