Well, I have to admit I have been in somewhat of a funk lately. I learned as a very young child that keeping up with what they are saying in the news and the horror that happens daily in the world is not so great for my psych… yet here we are. It’s a time when we need to be abreast of choices that are being made on our behalf but…
This is a big one… Is all of this outside stuff just reflective of what’s inside already. Is it drawing to the surface the ink spots that are covering up love? Maybe we have Band-Aids on things. Maybe we are huddled in a corner afraid of our own shadow. The infamous Knight in shining Armor?
Are we hiding from ourselves?
Life usually reaches cartoon proportions before big change shows up.
Life has to turn upside down.
Most often when big change is in the process we don’t look at the good that is coming; we look at the wreckage that stands in its wake. This definitely makes it hard to have an attitude of gratitude.
Science says that every possible outcome for each moment is available to us… It all depends on where we choose to look. Our go to is the direction of our habitual choices. So, as they crumble… As our world is shaking… We reach back and claim wrong on all that is changing…
Because it is not the same.
Sometimes the known evil feels safer than the ideas that are new and different. This is typical behavior in people who have suffered from abuse, but can occur with anyone.
So back to my funk.
After swallowing the election. My sites went to injustice. I was horrified by the things that were happening at Standing Rock. The Natives standing peaceably for the quality and preservation of one of the hugest water sources of the United States, while commerce pushes at them from all sides.
The sacredness of their land and their customs disrespected once again. As they fought for the sacredness of their burial grounds. My belly aligned itself with the horrendous acts that these people faced… protecting my water… my beloved river.
The river has always been my go to for peace and realignment.
My heart went out to the thoughts of people being rounded up and sent to camps somewhere. My mind was occupied with the horrible things that were being done with the label of Right, or the color of one’s skin.
I became consumed with sadness and sorrow.
Until all that I could see were the wrongs. Until all I could feel was pain. I felt it as if it had become a personal affront to my person. Tears came easily.
It seemed most every relationship I had begun to shake. Everything was going wrong.
Sides? There are no sides… Just people.
All the anger… and resentment… and wrong that I was seeing and feeling came slamming right back at me.
I built myself my own personal cage and locked myself in.
Well, guess what if I locked myself in… I can get myself out.
Years ago, in a meditation I was shown myself sitting in this elaborate golden cage. The door was open. Yet I sat inside… trapped.
Well I get up one morning and write my coach an email.
I painted her a picture of my suffering. I created an image of the story I was living; it all became very personal and in the end had nothing to do with Donald Trump.
No, it had to do with me.
When we buy into the yuck… All we see is yuck.
It’s the Law of Attraction. We open the door for it to walk in and set up camp. Everywhere I turned it seemed someone was closing a door in my face. I swung from feeling invisible to wishing I was. I felt like someone was trying to poke holes in me constantly. That’s what I was seeing anyway.
I wasn’t seeing all the doors that were opening. I was walking through them but not acknowledging them.
How ungrateful is that? I certainly wasn’t operating with an attitude of gratitude.
I wasn’t seeing all the beautiful people standing with me. I was not receiving the support that is here. My energies were pulled in tight. My armor up.
This wise woman said to me… Are you keeping up with your gratitude practice? It took one day for all the yuck to dissipate. It’s amazing what keeping a gratitude journal, or doing a gratitude meditation can do for your mental state.
Nope… My energy was focused on identifying what was wrong, not seeing what was working or finding solutions. Not on being grateful for what is working.
Now to be clear… I am NOT saying stay in your house with your head in the sand. We are called to speak our words and to take action on behalf of those who can NOT. With our focus on turning the bus towards solutions not setting up camp in the muck of the problem.
So here is the deal… Truth just is.
Truth has no emotional pull. Emotion comes with the story. Emotion comes with baggage.
Emotion is not truth.
In its purest state, emotion should be a notification in this sea of information to attract our attention. Science says that our brain takes in 200 billion bits of information per second and the average brain can open only forty bits. So instead of a place to live it was intended to go ding… ding…… Look over here. This is out of the ordinary. You need to see this.
Take a look back at your kids. Only as they grow and swallow down their experiences do they start showing up with the leftovers… “the always and the Nevers.” The things that begin to diminish their dreams and ambitions.
Before they were told to keep quiet and do as they were told. Before they were told what they were supposed to think, and denied their internal voice… Before their experiences were claimed untrue… Before they suffered in silence.
Their emotions came and went like floating clouds. One second they were laughing. The next they are hungry. Instantly they are in tears.
Back to the wonderment of a child.
A child wakes up each morning as if it were the first day of his life. All expectation is around it being an amazing day. They don’t wake up in anticipation around yesterday’s belly ache. They don’t have dread around what might be. No.
They are present in what is. They are grateful for what may come.
They are wide open and receptive… until things start piling up.
So, she says to me… write a gratitude list of all the things that you are grateful for and a list of all those people that are grateful for you.
I don’t think most of us ever think about who is grateful for US. What would the world look like if you weren’t in it… Really?
Well I had a full sheet of paper in two minutes and could have kept going. Right?
With all the focus on problems… ALL I could see was problems.
Instead of Solutions.
I begin each morning with a prayer that this new leader puts the highest and best of the nation’s PEOPLE as the catapulting factor in each choice that he makes.
I saw a wall of energy on each side of the Missouri River. I prayed for Obama to take action that was in the best interest of the people.
Gratitude consumed me after Obama initiated the orders to save our River. Gratitude… As Chief Leonard Crow Dog performed the forgiveness ceremony which created a wave of healing for not only the Natives, but for us their persecutors. The veterans who showed up to create this wall of my prayer knelt in reverence. Allowing the wave to change them forever.
We can feel the pain with our focus on solution or we can wallow, throw a tantrum, take sides and be angry in every aspect of our lives… big and small.
It is always your choice. Choose to be grateful.
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