In order to begin the process that will untangle your story, it’s important to also begin the process of raising the expectations for everyone in your circle.
If you grew up in a somewhat dysfunctional environment, you may have quickly learned that relationships were a lot of work and the responsibility was only yours to bear. And the more you aqueous-ed to the expectations of others, the easier daily life would be, right?
In these environments, it never bodes well to be disagreeable. Too often, we follow the status quo, and tolerate higher levels of pain and chaos as our norm.
This is the foundation of which we built our adult relationships… our marriages… and our families.
Society says we need stronger boundaries, but boundaries are walls that keep others out. Do we really need to build more walls around ourselves? It’s lonely inside those walls because nothing can touch or affect us, and the more walls we build, also keep out the good stuff too.
Think of your boundaries as if they were a moat around a castle. If the bridge is drawn, you are unable to receive gifts (the good) because you’re always ready for battle (the bad).
Never expect more out of others than you would expect from yourself. For many of us, we need to turn that thought around and even out the expectations of our partnerships, even if for a little bit.
Instead of building more walls, let us, with a manner of kindness, raise our expectations of what is acceptable behavior… for you and for others. Without judgement.
Take a moment and assess the interactions that you struggle with, and where you shoulder the responsibility for the action needed to raise the bar. There is no blame here. What this means is you can operate from a place of awareness.
Imagine you are playing a game of tennis, and you are fully aware of the game in the moment. You aren’t judging yourself, yet you are aware of the game before you even enter the court. You didn’t walk out thinking you were playing volley ball.
So, get up and play the game because it’s not a lot of fun to be the one always left on the bench.
Stand strong outside the state of victimhood. Take control of the movement by responsibly entering relationships sans expecting others to do the same. Their behavior is their choice. However, the acceptability of their behavior is your choice.
Less walls… more responsibility.
Untangle Your Story™