Hello everyone! I love mornings in the springtime! It feels good to hear the birds singing and watch the trees begin to wake up! And for us in the midwest, the sunshine and vitamin D go a long way towards moving us out of the grey doldrums of winter!
Unless you deal with chronic pain.
You want to wake up feeling refreshed and energized like others seem to do… like you did at one time… before. Instead, you feel trapped. The most simple tasks are an effort: an act of will. You’re exhausted… pooped out!
Unfortunately, this is one that I know intimately. Fibromyalgia was one of the first of many diagnoses. I felt trapped in my body, as if I had created a barrier to keep people from touching me. “Ow, that hurts”… the wince… warding off any attempts of not only bad touch, but the good touch too. Intimacy. I tried the medicine… I tried the shots. I lived in a body that fought every move I made daily. It was as if my body became nothing more than a vessel for old hurts. I, as you, locked my hurts away. I shoved them down filling all of the corners and the crevices until now they consume most of the available space.
And we try to live in between.
What is hidden away, buried deep, works its way to the surface eventually. Like a splinter. Our body rebels against the foreign object. Swells. Gets inflamed until it pushes it to the surface to be extracted. Once the unfamiliar matter is removed, life can go back to normal. The surrounding tissues heal.
Okay, so as children we live in this crazy house, right? Everybody is screaming all of the time. The level of daily anxiety is what most people experience on a bad day. You with me? But sometimes… real bad things happen. You’re a kid. A magical kid.
We are never given anything without having the tools at our ready.
We are here aren’t we?
So during the explosions, things happen. Things that are outside of what can be classified acceptable. Our little brains don’t know what to do with this “out of the box” information so it creates a file marked “Highly Sensitive Information”. The most disturbing portions of the experience get hidden away in this file and then buried deep within the body.
We have to do tomorrow and the next day in this environment. The circumstances aren’t changing. The question isn’t if there will be another explosion… but when? We have to be able to get up and have breakfast tomorrow. And we want things to be right so desperately that we reach out and grab up the ugly energy. We clean up the energetic mess so to speak. The guilt, the shame, the anger… and the “forgotten” details of the experience and it all goes into the confidential file.
This strategy makes tomorrow easier… for a time. Until we reach a point where we can no longer maintain balance.
We have forgotten.
We think everything hidden in our bodies is ours… the shame… the guilt. We have carried it for so long. So as the years pass, we add to it. We turn the guilt, shame and anger inward towards ourself. Claiming it as our own.
We have seen to it that the files are buried deep. We forget about them, but they fester. We may have a burning pain way down deep in the tissue of the thigh. You hid that one almost too well. Way down close to the bone. Our anger and resentment mingle with their anger and guilt. The result a slow burning volcano. It erupts sometimes but lays back at others and smolders.
Maybe a file is buried deep in the core muscles of the upper back. We, at the time, filed it away with the resignation that things were never going to get better. The dull ache is always present.
It’s not yours! It just wants out.
Trapped energy becomes stagnant energy. Stagnant energy causes pain. The pills help only for a second until our brain gets used to the new chemicals and then it resurfaces. The files need to be opened and released. Understood with order. The energies that are not ours sent back to the rightful owners. Guilt… Shame? In reality, why would this be an emotion you would generate on your own?
You did nothing… you were the receiver.
The process becomes about understanding what part you are playing. Understanding what you took on that was not and is not yours. Take responsibility for what you have created and allow others to assume the responsibility for their creations.
Healing happens from the inside out!
The first step in clarity is first and foremost meditation. For this purpose we are going to incorporate contemplation.
After we allow our mind to quiet, in time your mind understands what you expect of it and the pathway becomes more ingrained. (This doesn’t happen instantly so be patient with yourself.) I’d like to share a visualization that was helpful for me.
Step into a movie theater. Find yourself a comfortable seat. You’re very comfortable and calm. We ask to be shown the contents of a buried file. Pick a hurt that is easily accessible at first and be patient. We watch as if watching a movie. All of the characters carry equal weight. You have no emotional attachment. You are just watching with objectivity. You pay close attention to how you show up. What you allow. What choices you handed off. You hit rewind and then you watch for the clean up. You see the discrepancies between your feelings of guilt and shame. You see the energies that are not yours as a different color. Say blue. So we ask that all of the blue energies be sent back to their rightful owners. No judgement. In reality, we have impeded growth by holding onto what is not ours. Guilt, shame… these are emotions that catapult us into growth and understanding. Without them, we see no need. We don’t understand our actions cause pain. So they are easily repeated. So you see no judgement. You aren’t deciding. You don’t even need to know what the blue is. You just know that it is not yours.
The question: What do I need to know today to free my body and my mind from pain?
And next write. Write what you see. Allow yourself to release onto the page all you know about yourself. Take a story and write it down. For years I would hear whisperings… write your book. I fought with the idea because each time I tried to write, I became entangled in the stories and emotions of the others involved. I found I had little clarity in what my story really was. So for myself, I had to write as if the little girl in my memories were someone else. This helped me to gain perspective. It’s often easier to have compassion for someone else than it is for ourselves. In time, I allowed my story unfold as Junebug. Watching Junebug maneuver the life that was hers/mine on one hand was horrifying, while on the other I was astonished at the grace she maneuvered her circumstance. I noticed the abilities she brought to the table. Her connection with nature. Her ease with what I now know as meditation. Her ability to escape this body when things got too crazy. I watched as she was able to see past the words and into what was behind the words. In seeing my story on paper brought a level of clarity that I had yet to have achieved and an order that I had never known. In order for Junebug to be bound and sold, it had to achieve a level of clarity for the reader, with no pre-knowledge of me or my background.
I learned so much!
Storytelling is an ancient way to pass down learnings and wisdoms. We learn by telling it… Others learn by hearing it. “Telling and listening to stories is the way we make sense of our lives,” Writing our stories and reading them or sharing them with someone you trust allows us to see and learn through the experiences of someone else. Don’t worry about constructing a story, pick an experience and write it. Write it from the eyes and innocence of the child that you were. All you know is what she knows then. Next we come in and look closely at what each character is showing up with. And see where God takes you from there.
For myself, seeing my story through the eyes of Junebug I could be outraged for the little helpless, ingenious girl. Going through the editing process, as others were making comment, was the first time I allowed myself to get angry. I think for many of us, anger is repressed because in our world anger meant violence and we vowed to never repeat what we knew, but stagnant, capped off energy often explodes. It has to release steam… and then it’s good for a while.
Let it out. Put it on the page. Create a ritual around it. Have a safe place where you can revisit and compare. This is the only the beginning of rewriting your story.
For National Child Abuse month, we are gathering the stories of women. Women who have fought and struggled to overcome “what was” and has or is ready to untangle her story. I call on you as women to share with us your stories in honor of all of those that are rising now. The world needs your message. We want to learn from you. There are so many who are ready to hear. There are so many who could benefit from your experience and wisdom. In breaking the silence, we have the opportunity to learn from those who have gone before us. Together, we combine our stories to create a movement towards safety for our children and freedom for our women. The first twenty-five ladies will receive a free 1-1/2 hour healing session with me to jump start your journey. Everyone who shares gets exclusive membership to a private Women Rising Facebook group where we can gather with other amazing women of like mind and experience. Secondly, I will be posting, referencing and reflecting upon your stories in upcoming articles. And in the not so distant future, we hope to compile our stories to create a documentary chock full of the wisdom that comes with walking through the fire and coming out on the other side. Watch out… Women are Rising!
Seminars and Women’s Gatherings:
Would you like a chance to learn with ME? There are some great upcoming opportunities.
I am hosting two full day seminars where we will focus on healing from the inside out. On Day 1 In this intimate interactive workshop, we will dive deep into use meditation and energetic basics to bring balance to mind and body. Day 2, we will untangle some of the most common ailments and struggles for women today and how to create lasting change in your lives. The days came be taken independently but are complementary. Thanks to Heart Body and Soul, 1004 W Worley St, in Columbia Missouri, for having us there. Please call 573-777-6771 to register as space is limited. You may choose to take one class for $39 and both for $69. Lunch is included. The April 23rd will be geared towards beginners, while the second class with be focused on more advanced issues. Both classes are meant to compliment each other.
I also hold weekly Women Rising Empowerment Circle mediation and sharing sessions in Columbia, Missouri. All are welcome to this weekly meditation and healing. These sessions are held at 7:00pm on Monday nights. For more information please contact me directly at CHERIE@CHERIEDOYEN.COM or by phone at 573-424-3025.
If you want to keep up to date with me, please follow me on facebook at www.facebook.com/CoachCherieDoyen