Who are you? What a question… I think most of us could answer quickly with a list of all of the things that we do, or the labels that we claim but… Who are you? These three little words can get all tangled up in the stories we tell ourselves and each other.
Each of us have constructed stories around our beliefs and our claims over the truth, all mixed up around experience. Much like the rooms of a house, the stories weave around everything we have ever interacted with. We have stories around our childhood, around money, around that energy that many call God. By the time we have reached adulthood, our stories have become intertwined and solid. Our once large luscious home, now is the home of a hoarder. The large rooms have been piled high in all directions and we have to wiggle through narrow twisting passage ways. There is little room to breathe, much less grow.
Worry becomes mingled with our struggle. We become anxious and uncertain over actual or potential problems. We feel paralyzed with an effort to move forward. We go round and round. Honing the story to perfection, each word is chosen with purpose. We can get directly to the point. Either it is on a continuous loop in our heads, or we are saying it out loud to anyone who will listen. We make declarations as if demanding the Universe to take action. “She hates me!” “I have trust issues.” “I have terrible luck.” “I have no friends.” “I’m fat.” “I’m terrible with money.”
Words carry their own energy with the ability to alter our reality. They crawl around our world like insects. Some good, some bad. Each with the magic of creation such as our honey bee, others with the energy of a tick. It attaches itself to you and burrows in, taking and spreading it’s poison at the same time. You may not even know its there, for awhile, until everything around you has gone slightly grey.
One of my favorite writers and spiritual teachers… Florence Scovel Shinn claims worry to be our strongest form of prayer. It gets more play that’s for sure. Right? Think about it. We get ourselves in an obsessive loop of worry, and in the end, we could easily walk up to another human and regurgitate the story with exactness and clarity.
Can you even remember what you were praying about when you are finished? Do you have enough clarity and attention around it to be able to say it out loud? Were you distracted during your prayer by your worries?
So let’s do a little self evaluation. We are visualizing a scale in our mind’s eye. The old fashion kind. We ask to see our words weighed. One side holds the words creating chaos and disfunction, the other words of love and abundance.
I would venture to say that most all of us weighed pretty low on the love and abundance side of that little exercise. We are talking to the universe all of the time not just when we sit ourselves down to pray. Each word we utter goes into the universal hard drive and is stored until all of the necessary ingredients are gathered to create your reality.
I think we can all identify with the idea around the worry. A thought enters our awareness. In the first second or two it carries little weight. Until we look at it. Right? We take that first look and another thought appears and attaches itself to the original. We try to look away but the next thought is coming in, until, before you know it we are in a full blown story with emotions attached. Not only ours but we have attached emotion and motives to all of those involved. The words are becoming solid. The more times you repeat it the more real it becomes, not only for yourself but for everyone around you. Now to be clear, I did not say true. I said real. The story becomes how you see your life.
Anger works the same way, right? You may be out with someone and it is not until you get home that a thought arises… Hmmm. What did she mean by that? From the second the words were uttered, our stories begin to mingle in and distort the picture. Information is gathered from past experiences and attaches itself to her words until… voila, our version of the experience can quickly look and feel very different.
Seeing the discrepancy is the first step. The second is to become familiar with the observer. Thirdly, we enter a light state of meditation and allow our observer to recapitulate the incidences that have you tangled up.
I want to share quickly my thoughts around the observer and how I am utilizing recapitulation. The observer is that quiet place way down deep inside that is always watching. Unbiased and without emotion, the observer records information. No judgement. The observer knows and identifies truth. Now to be clear the observer is not your interior dialogue. This is comprised only what you have heard and accepted. We have to dive deeper… past the constant stream of words.
The observer stands in alignment with that ferocious female energy. Wanting to see only truth. Being able to know what is needed versus what is wanted. The ability to see through the eyes of another. Locating the observer moves us forward into the energies of the sacred feminine.
Recapitulation is the act of watching your circumstances play out from an observer’s objective point of view. I compare it to watching a movie. You aren’t personally vested in any one character in a movie. You, as the “Observer” of the movie, form opinions based on the information of the whole versus forming your opinion based on the information known by only one individual character. From this place, we will learn to watch scenarios of your life play out to untangle your truth from the story that has grown up around you. Recapitulation allows us a clear picture of how we are showing up: What we are bringing to the table? What patterns are reoccurring? Recapitulation allows you to see truth.
Affirmation: I see only truth, all that is false fades from view.
Let’s for a second, look at the mechanics behind the creation here. The thought comes in, we give it attention, we attach emotion, and we repeat it over and over until it becomes real.
What if we decided to tip the scales over to the want side and turned this same recipe for creation into something we chose out of awareness?
Instead of our usual ramble to the Universe what if… My love for kid’s movies is guiding me to this analogy. The little witch. Picture it, pointy hat and all, she’s standing over her cauldron, stirring away. She’s adding in the magical ingredients one by one, while saying the magic spell. Time and energy has gone into carefully choosing each word. The words need to feel right in her body, mind and soul. They need to feel right in her mouth for the continuous repetition. They rhyme slightly, with the feel of a short poem. The words are clearly designed to fulfill a particular outcome. They become her mantra for change. There is no ambiguity. All throwaway words are discarded. Cut away. The words that are kept all contain forward motion. There’s no trying… no distractions…just complete focus on the outcome. Until it becomes her reality.
So in our fight to shift the scales to weigh heavy on the side of love and abundance, we turn our attention to recognizing the cycle. We can then jump in and interrupt the cycle sooner and sooner. The longer it goes, the bigger the jolt necessary to snap us out of it. I like to physically take a step back upon my recognition, this creates a triggering in my body, as well as telling my brain to back up, breathe, and look at the situation from a point of action versus reaction. What would be the desired outcome? Declare it to the Universe. Build the story from there. Get behind it. Create your poem to the Universe and allow it to get stuck in your brain, like the lyric of a song, or the spell of our friendly witch, until it is playing on its own. When you notice, you join in singing it out loud. In your car. Feel it… want it… know it to be true!
In the downloadable journaling guide, follow the prompts and write a few paragraphs about different aspects of your personal story. In doing this periodically, you can mark the changes in the perception of your reality. Celebrate the distinctions and declare another date to revisit. Write it on your calendar and rinse and repeat.
Turn it into a game. How many of those disturbing thoughts can you catch before they catch you?