Childhood Sexual Violation’s: Societal Measuring Stick

Childhood Sexual Violation’s: Societal Measuring Stick

Sexual violation is soul violation. It is the only crime in which one’s body gets broken into.

If someone breaks into your house and goes through all of your personal things… you would want to move to a new house, in a new neighborhood… as far away from the crime scene as possible.

When someone breaks into your body… there you are, carrying the crime scene with you wherever you go; for the rest of your life… no matter how far or how long you run.

Sexual violation is so normalized and minimized that the severity and complexity of its repercussions run the gamet of a lifetime.

Childhood sexual violation cannot be measured with an adult measuring stick. 

So, let us be clear: the risk a person takes in releasing their experiences with the family are vast. They range from annihilation and exile, to resigning oneSelf to hanging out with the perpetrator and silencing the inner screams of frustration for the rest of one’s life… 

Neither scenario works out for the innocent here. Fair? 

The adult screams: Why would they choose HIM over me? 

The forgotten child screams: I must not be important. She must know? Does she wonder where I am? Or does she know he is in my bed right now?

Let us also consider that nature has a humane opening to sexual experiences as we develop through puberty. 

According to Ayurvedic medicine, the chakras develop in seven year increments. The sacral chakra, home to the sexual organs maturing at about age 14, coincidentally corresponds perfectly with nature’s evolution through puberty.

The undeveloped child’s being, when exposed to the complexity of a sexual interaction, is completely fragmentated.

There are no words logged away in their mental computer to vocalize it.

There are no pathways to process the scream in our heads as our bodies respond to the touch. 

For example: What if you were three, entangled in a twisted triangle between your ”parents”… and YOU are the other woman.

Being the other woman as an adult is a lot to maneuver… But what if you were three or four?

For a mom in distress, the empty bed may mean a reprieve. 

However, again, we remember… The child is three.

Not understanding why you feel like an outcast. You have no way of knowing why no one can look you in the eye.

The ones that are supposed to guard and protect you are instead the robbers of your innocence.

Coming forward to save other children… The young who may not have a voice, like ourSelves,  are most often the driving motivator for sharing this information.

It may be too late for justice for oneSelf, but it is never too late to show up and choose what can be different today for another child. The innocence of a child is invaluable.

The bystander– those that look the other way to keep themSelves safe– become accomplices. Not only to this crime but to all the harm that may happen in the silence.

The novel thought is that this perpetrator has only had one victim.

Again, seldom. Once a taboo itch is scratched the acts often become bolder, more risky… just to see how much they can get by with.

The minimizing, supported by the measuring, is what elongates the recovery process for an adult victim of childhood sexual violation.

Most often the information starts rising when we are face to face with the possibility of our children, or the children of our siblings, becoming entangled in the cycle of abuse that once touched ourSelves.

How can we let these children be in the same room as the person that did that to me?

The words and actions of family members is the defining factor of how tomorrow plays out.

… Can I ever recover from all of this?

The answer is yes. We can move past the past violations. We can take action to ensure we are safe and will never have to interact with them again.

But what about you? The brothers and sisters? Mom? Dad?

What you do next is the defining factor in life moving forward, or going sideways for the victim.

You can have a redefined family or you can lose a valuable family member.

You get to choose.

To help reset the measuring stick over the severity of a victim’s experience:

Penetration is rare.

The average girth of a man’s erect penis is 4.59 inches. The average erect penis is 5.16 long. 

That would be all of the way up into the chest cavity for a 3 year old.

“Children aged three to six years have a vaginal opening that measures 0.114173 to 0.051181102 inches.

The vaginal opening diameter tends to enlarge with age and to be larger in the supine knee-chest position than in the supine frog-leg position. An opening greater than 4mm (0.15748) was distinctly rare.”

Goff CW, Burke KR, Rickenback C, Buebendorf DP. Vaginal opening measurement in prepubertal girls. Am J Dis Child. 1989 Nov;143(11):1366-8. doi: 10.1001/archpedi.1989.02150230124040. PMID: 2816868.

It is pretty clear. A simple Google search would alleviate the measuring but… this is a common misconception I meet in my practice every day.

Intercourse is NOT the benchmark for harm to child victims. 

There would be extensive, undeniable harm done to this child. This little human would quite possibly be so damaged that child-bearing would be impossible.

There would be blood.

There would be bruising.

There would be internal damage.

What is most common is inappropriate touch. Coercing the child into performing sexual acts, such as insertion of the penis into the child’s mouth or getting the child to stroke the penis.

This measuring stick is VICTIM SHAMING.

You are not God, Judge, or Jury.

The truth is: the measuring stick helps to alleviate the one who is holding it from needing to choose.

If you were in the car with your dad and he robbed a Breaktime…

  • Would it matter how much money he took?
  • Would you stay in the car?
  • If you stay in the car, are you an accomplice?

The measuring stick conversation completely diminishes the victims’ experiences and creates a judgment of weakness in regard to the consequences and chaos that these invasions caused up until now, into adulthood.

The biggest fear of all when a victim stands at the precipice of release is the reaction of family members.

The victim of the invasion is not the destroyer of the family. 

That happened a long time ago. Just because you did not see does not negate the fractures to family trust that were already splintering out.

Let’s be clear! In no way, EVER, is it the child’s fault that a grown human invades their body. In no way is it EVER ok to blame the victim for giving you the information necessary to keep your children safe. 

Interacting with children sexually is wrong… always. 

NO excuses. The next choice is yours!

No one can heal YOU but YOU!

No one can heal YOU but YOU!

I wanted to look at our idea of what true healing really means.

To be clear… No one can heal you but YOU!

So often I’m confronted by people that want to have a magic pill or a wave of a magic wand, right? 

Like the idea of the knight in shining armor riding in gallantly on their white horse to save us… If we are waiting for that we may be waiting for a long time.

And in reference to our recovery, we want one visit with a healer to change every aspect of our lives. 

Trauma happens on all five layers of our being.

Our physical-ness, our emotional being, our behaviors, energetically and spiritually, right? 

You don’t put a puzzle together by dumping it out on the table and with a thought the whole puzzle comes together miraculously. 

We healers can give you a zap… like a Band-Aid. This level of energy work will usually hold for a few days but without the rest of the being coming into alignment the change slips away and we are back at the beginning frustrated and a little more jaded.

Real – lasting change is seen out in front of you in this 3d form.

Say a video game. If you turn this way, the algorithms have the game responding to your move. If you make this choice and you turn this way, these things are forming on in front of you, right? 

It stands to reason to create drastic change in the algorithms of your life is going to require more than thinking and talking about it.

It’s going to require action. Your action. No one can do it for you.

It requires your active participation. 

The Master says… it is not I, but your belief that heals you.

No one can heal you but YOU!

I was traveling with a group through New Zealand, and we had a 10 day stay with the Whaita. As per their tradition at the close of each day we entered circle and passed a talking stick to those with words that needed spoken.

Each day the same woman spoke. Her heart was heavy with having just lost her mother. And on top of the mourning, she was processing her relationship with mom. They days went by and she was stuck. She couldn’t seem to move in any direction.

On this day the chief gracefully rose and approached her. With a nod he laid his hand on her shoulder. He began calling out numbers… 3,5 8…12. And in five minutes he cleared her entire timeline.

Now, how do I know this? I watched it. 

How do I know he was completely on target? Because we were seeing exactly the same thing. 

He was calling out the loops and the ages that they were created.

By loops I mean those frozen moments in time that keep us tangled in the past.

She lived exactly the same. 

I was so excited for her.

Immediately following Her story was exactly the same. Nothing changed for her in the 3d.

It wasn’t real for someone to say to her, you’re free now. You are healed.

Was her timeline clean? Yes. 

Energetically, her timeline was clean an yet… Her life and her telling of it was the same!

Her behaviors were the same.

Emotional processes were the same.

Adverse responses and reactivity to stimuli didn’t change. 

Physically her body was still struggling. 

And spiritually, she was struggling with a lot of why’s.

True healing happens as you pull all of that together in a moment. 

It has to be you in action, reconstructing you from the ground up in a very literal tangible way. 

Restoration comes in two distinct phases. 

No one can heal you but YOU!

Phase one: QT Matrix Timeline clean up and Reconstruction

First and foremost our focus is on cleaning up your timeline. We dismantle any loops restricting the flow of time. You unpack any debris smearing up your lens of what life looks like today. This happens simultaneously while reuniting the fragmented molecules of your your astral body. Now all of this comes with a level of understanding and acknowledgement of your distinct innate abilities. As we uncover your unique style of access and processing of information we begin work on and with the beginning stages of behavioral shifts necessary to support the wanted change. Throughout the process of dismantling your emotional responses and reactions you are giving time a new and different lens with which to be seen. The demolition of fear is a process that carries us into phase two.

You learn as much as you grow because one must witness before one can create change!

Phase 2: The Baby Buddha Stage:

We have to learn how to live differently.  I love the baby Buddhist stage because a baby doesn’t decide they can’t walk because they’ve fallen down 25 times. They just get up and they try something new and different. The goal is to approach each and every moment from a state of curiosity. 

That’s where we are folks in every aspect of existence. We’ve got to do something different.

Our planet cannot withstand humanity. The way we are right now, hate is heat. And our planet is on fire.

Reunification of the fragmented self with its many ramifications throughout time allows us the ability to walk right down the center. 

You are the magic wand that you need.

Familial Allegiance to the Abuser is a THING!

Familial Allegiance to the Abuser is a THING!

Today I Really want to discuss something rarely talked about… Familial allegiance to the abuser.

I watch the same scenario play out again and again… the family is in complete denial of the victim’s experience. 

Now what we need to digest here is that in that denial, they hold support for the abuser. So often the abuser is still held within that family. I’ve watched families where, it is very clear… That’s my brother, I’m going to stand beside him or that’s my dad. Uncle Clarence? He didn’t do anything to me… But the best is… Well, what did you do to cause it, right? What clothes were you wearing? How could we possibly let this it will ruin a him? 

It’s completely upside down. 

And often these are children. It’s no wonder these memories are hidden away in these loops for another day.

When you know that you’re speaking your truth is going to create divide, and you’re going to be the one divided out… As if you’re the cancer and you’ve done nothing wrong. 

This is a really big deal. 

Familial allegiance to the abuser is a mountain the survivor has to climb. A hurdle that the outside world has to start recognizing. 

Unfortunately, I watch people have to walk away from family to have a shred of Self respect. 

Judgement around this choices scope then widens out into the societal judgment around the importance of family.

If you had a family member that was murdering people, would they say that? Or if you know, your family was harboring a rapist that was raping and hurting women outside of the clan. 

What would that feel like?

 I remember saying one time, Hey, how about this? How about this Thanksgiving? I stopped by the prison and I pick up a rapist and I bring him to our, our family dinner. Their response was one of disgust of course. The difference still escapes me today. 

A predator at the table is a predator at the table. 

What we need to understand is that when a child encounters, something like this, and they’ve got people fighting for them, it’s a blip on their timeline. A blip with a beginning and an end. The ones they “trust” are fighting to protect them… They move on without a hiccup.

The consequences of telling a child to keep a secret…. or when they are accused of wrong doing… or their perception is doubted… All of this creates a fester that lasts a lifetime!

So collectively we have to start standing our power. Call in clarity and bravery and put allegiance beside the right person. 

The right-minded thing is we don’t have sex with children. We don’t beat our children.

We’re here doing the best we possibly can as their guardians, until they can care for themselves and enter the world ready to do what they came here to do. 

PTSD is contagious. Wholeness is contagious. Look around. We have to fix this. 

I’m going to put a link to The Today I Choose audio series walks you through a progression of choice-making. 

Get up and move. Move your body… Dance. Get physical. These audios are happy. 

Doing the thinking required to bring clarity in around what you want or what Self-respect would look like is a must.

When we start taking back and recognizing that we’re taking back our choices, we’re taking back our power. 

This is your game and only you can play it. 

Healing PTSD and Trauma comes in Phases

Healing PTSD and Trauma comes in Phases

One of the traps that we have to be careful of is when we want to healing from PTSD and Trauma is getting personally attached to our labels. 

Healing PTSD and Trauma comes in phases. There’s the mechanics of the PTSD. And then there’s how do I learn to live differently? You don’t wave a magic wand at a leper and expect him to suddenly be able to navigate the outside world without some guidance.

PTSD is the culmination of the cycles running through time. There are very specific quantum actions that have created these cycles. The cysts or the time loops on your timeline keep catapulting you back and forth through time, which creates an environment where it’s impossible to be emotionally sound. 

We can’t be in integrity when we’re bouncing through time like that. Each strand of time is slightly different. The choices would be different choices. 

First we go back and we truly clean up your timeline, in this lifetime or any other lifetime where you’ve got anchors that are keeping you stuck. 

That’s the PTSD. 

Secondly, we have to learn to live differently.  We have been entrenched in an environment that more than likely has not been serving us, or we have not been serving. For example you are married to an abusive husband or your parents deny your experience and support your perpetrator.

All of that is still there. We can’t deny that.

Healing from PTSD and Trauma requires a letting go of the labels.

Do you have PTSD? NO! Do you need to make some big choices? YES!

We must take action around what our world looks like right now and what we would like to see differently.

Today you get to Choose!

Can it all happen at once? 

Yeah. With patients and a deep understanding… You can only change you. All of the other players in your game are making choices too. 

Here is where the need to depersonalize comes in. 

You can learn how to live differently but you cannot expect everyone around you to suddenly be different.

It requires vigilance over our minds to stay right-minded. Kind of like an alcoholic hanging out in his favorite bar. Success is virtually impossible.

Emmitt Fox… You can’t change your mind without changing your environment. 

Healing PTSD and Trauma, all 5 levels of being must be considered:

  • Physical
  • Mental
  • Emotional
  • Behavioral
  • Spiritual

Trauma hits us on all five levels. That’s not how we’ve been thinking about ourSelves. We can’t have a hit to one strand and it not affect all of the rest. 

Everything changes.

As we enter the world clean and clear we find that certain parts of ourselves have been stunted and we have to just digest that.

So, the sooner we can remove the blame and get focused on ourselves the faster we can get out of the maze of distortion. 

Life can change and it can happen very rapidly, but that requires a level of depersonalization and determination. This comes with a deep understanding that the only thing you can change is you.  We all want a new mom and the family that’s in storybooks. 

Stand still and look around. What is yours to affect?

Wholeness comes as we find integrity and a truth that holds sound through all five levels of existance? 

So, PTSD is the effect that fear and trauma had on your timeline in direct reference to the quantum actions we took to save ourselves from danger. In our brilliance we created an out of body experience. Looking down on the cancerous moment he encapsulates it creating a cyst or a timeloop. From here he hops over a few frames into a timeline that is a little bit more acceptable.


After cleaning up your timeline we come to a realization that life around me is still the same. The same people… same job… There is no magic wand that is going to instantly change all of that.

It’s an impossible for your environment to change without your mind changing. 

Wherever you go, there you are, right. 

You can by a new house, or move across the country and if you aren’t in integrity… that means knowing who you are… what you want… knowing with clarity what is acceptable for you… You are going to be right back with the same players in new costumes. The same job in a wrapped in sparkly paper.

It takes integrity to fit through the eye of that needle and you have to know yourself inside and out to be in the world and not of it. 

We need more of you playing full out… walking right down the middle… stradling the line of truth. 

I’d love for you to hop on for a free 30 minute freedom call. 

This world is going to change with each of us taking stock of who we are and how we are impacting the world around us.

I would love to take your hand and guide you out of the distorted maze and into a life that is worth getting up for!

How does Trauma affect our Timeline?

How does Trauma affect our Timeline?

How does trauma affect our timeline? 

Now I know you, just like I did, want to put all of this trauma and suffering away for good… Right. 

You know, our world’s going to change when we come into integrity and into wholeness individually, right? That’s the only way it’s going to spread out. 

So first I want to address the question of trauma and the level of it’s affects? Is mine bad enough?

We have a tendency to minimize our experiences and compare them to somebody that had dire experiences. I know for myself, I grew up with a Grandmother who had a house full of foster children at all times, I would talk away what was happening to me. As I grew older I would talk myself into believing that nothing that happened was bad enough to have caused me to go completely sideways and in so many ways.

What’s true is your personal level of sensitivity has a lot to do with the impact. Just like how one germ affects people in different ways depending on the strength of their immune systems. 

When we start making choices out of fear versus curiosity, life is going to take a completely different trajectory, right? So I’d like for us to just truly be able to step in and say, yeah, that happened. It isn’t about blame and isn’t about what somebody should have done. It’s about how you embodied that experience and what words were embedded in your programming and that you use every day to describe your experiences, to describe yourself, to describe the people around you. That’s what’s important now. 

How does trauma affect our timeline?

That’s something we don’t really think about. We think about how it affects us, but how does it affect time?

So we’ve got this young child, say maybe five or six. Let’s be true he hasn’t had his little body for that long. And suddenly he’s faced with a sexual experience, which is way more advanced than his brain has the capabilities of dealing with such a young age.  This child has no words. He has no framework to analyze his situation. 

So what’s he going to do?

He’s going to get out!

It’s much like if I were going to reach out my hand and touch a hot burner, what am I going to do? Pull back.  It’s not just happening to his fingers. It’s happening to his body. I’ve got to get out of here. I’m in danger. So he backs out. That’s dissociation. Or an out of body experience. 

We tend to relegate the out of body experiences to the grownups, but the kids do it very easily. There are no thoughts around not being able to.

They’re just, it’s a reaction. This is awful. The core of my being is being attacked. I’m going to get away from the pain. 

When we look at how trauma might affect our timeline we have to think about what’s he going to do next?

So this little super hero kid is looking down on this infectious moment and goes, Oh my gosh, what am I going to do with that? How am I possibly going to get up tomorrow sit at the breakfast table with these human beings that I thought right were keeping me safe and protected. He is going to encapsulate it. He’s going to tie that stretch of time off in a loop, in a time loop, or a cyst, on his timeline right.

With this moment of time encapsulated and not in the flow with rest of his timeline it is removed from his memories until he’s triggered into remembering. And then? It seems to be all he can see. That doesn’t mean that that information is not buried in the psyche somewhere hauntingly. This is what the world calls traumatic amnesia. How many of us remember trauma in our 40’s and 50’s?

We also have to understand that this astral body, this energetic version of the physical body that rose out of his little body has molecules. And… if you’re encapsulating this moment, you’re also encapsulating, a version of you in there too. Right. 

When we talk fragmentation in a very literal, practical way, the astral body has fragmented and left enough life force in his body he left behind for it to continue on. Taking the bulk of the astral body on to his next destination. 

We know that we’re offered six alternate timelines, every moment, which is 90 seconds approximately. That being said in that next moment, the child hops over a few frames. He hops into reality of new choices. Not so different he can’t assimilate but lets take door number 3…

I call that reality hopping. 

Now the deal is what’s going on over here in this new timeline is similar but different. Soon the child starts feeling like they don’t fit in. That nothing’s quite what it seems, things, aren’t how he remembered him. Right. And it almost feels like, Oh, I didn’t get the script for this moment. These people aren’t hearing me or understanding me. He begins the journey into alien and separateness, out of place.

What if truly, he is?

So these are the quantum actions that are responsible for what we call today, PTSD.  This amazing skill skill responsible for trapping these moments in time brilliant. The only hiccup is that those versions of ourselves keep drawing us back… Wanting us to remember.

They have been trapped reliving your worst experiences like groundhog day.

The quantum actions that this child was able to take, the magic at his disposal… He is a little superhero. Grown ups spend years trying to learn this stuff. 

The super cool thing is that these quantum actions can be duplicated… You already know how to do it. You just need to remember how. 

These same quantum actions can be initiated on purpose and these loops can be dismantled. Which means PTSD can and does have a remedy.

You are not mentally ill. You’re not crazy. You are a superhero. It does have a remedy and life can start forward and upward instead of sideways!

So that’s how trauma can affect our timeline… from the quantum.

I know being out there is tempting but the game’s played here. We chose to be human and we have to learn to play the game here.  

Hop on a 30 minute Clarity call with me, truly, I would love to talk to you and it’s free. And let’s see what we can do for you because truly, I believe in my core that the world is going to change with each and every one of us, it’s not going to change by the government. It’s not going to change by people praying. It is going to change by us taking the action necessary to change ourSelves. 

If you’re not in integrity, if I’m not in integrity, that out there is not going to be in integrity. So please like I said take this free gift. Book that call and let’s like have a conversation. I look forward to talking to you, have a great day.

What is Justice?

What is Justice?

What is Justice?

This concept, in many different forms, has been rolling around my mind for many years as I was rising out of the suffering and anger and angst and pain and confusion of my childhood traumas and what the matrix or the game or the story did with that. 

As I got older and spoke about my experiences, and I put more words around them, I began to understand there are many levels to the meaning of justice. And I think our world has really settled into the most primal space… where justice is punishment.

I don’t believe that to be efficient. I don’t believe that to be what was intended.

The symbol for justice is scales. And what do we want from a scale, but balance right. 

Justice is balance. 

We are talking balance on all levels of existence, right? Beginning right here with us. Deepak Chopra asked me one time and I’ll tell you what, I was infuriated, he asked me how long it had been since I was last physically hurt.

I said, I was 17.  He said, so who was responsible for all those years from 17 to today? 

Justice starts right here with personal responsibility.

Being aware that any time that we’re pointing a finger of blame. Any time we are pointing a finger of blame, we are denying the personal responsibility of making or not making our choices. 

Science says we are given 6 alternate tendril timelines every moment each containing a choice. A choice creates motion or momentum. 

Every Moment!

So when have we ever found it to be true that another human is going to play your game in your best interest without running it through the filter of effects the choice will have on them Selves. 

This is rare for sure…

So justice Is a requirement. It is the word of the day on every level, right? Black and white male, female,  Democrat, Republican, haves have nots… the call is there ranging from the collective to the nucleus of our families. 

So many of us have delt with the lopsided sense of loyalty and justice of the familial support of abusers while shutting out the victims .

We have got to find a place of justice or balance, right? 

Down to the most primal… Who do I trust? Where do I put my allegiance?

I call this place a space of right mindedness. 

Because us being here, is us choosing to play this game.

I like to think of the movie the Hunger Games. Games are about you progressing from start to finish. Games come with choices to make and circumstances to get though. While helping people along the way is important and intended you are still playing the game. The point of the game is still to get from here to there.

The object is to be in the world and not of it.

Being able to stay right minded… Solution based and not lulled or affected in anyway by the chaos or the destructive nature of what is happening out there.

Just like a superhero we bring all of that power here and walk right down the middle. Dealing with each circumstance in real time. Making our choices not affected by the chaos, the destructive nature of what is happening out there and being able to stay in a right minded action oriented, solution-Based mindset.

How amazing would that be to be in the world and not of it?

The game is played here on all 5 levels of being… Spiritually, Physically, Emotionally, Behaviorally and Mentally.

Justice begins with you. A spiritual being choosing to be human is different than a human having a spiritual experience.

A human is Spiritually, Physically, Emotionally, Behaviorally and Mentally all at the same time. HERE!

I love questions. So please, please leave your questions, in the comments and I will speak directly to you. 

I think that for us to walk forward in the world in a new and different way, we have to start really picking apart the upside down.  As we begin to question all we believe to be true we find our truth and that’s what these few minutes are about… A shift in thought. 

I would like to share with you the link to put to book your 30 minute free call. I’d love to talk to you. I’d love to see what we can do to create activation in your life, right here… right now… to get you moving into action, be that moving from a place of crisis, with PTSD or a place of stuck, or a place of boredom, a place of complacency, any of those places. If we are occupying any of these energies we are not doing what we came here to do, right? So I’d love to have a conversation. And as I said, that link will be in in the comments. And I hope to see you back here tomorrow.