Sexual Trauma and Complex PTSD

Sexual Trauma and Complex PTSD

Sexual trauma is one of the largest cancers of our society today, one of the largest contributors, and least talked about population of people suffering with PTSD.


In no other crime is one’s body invaded as in sexual violation. And yet it is one of the most minimized crimes on the planet. 

If your home were invaded… If someone was rummaging through your intimate possessions. Most of us will struggle to feel safe and comfortable and will ultimately move to a new home. 

When someone invades your body? There is no getting away. We drag that crime scene with us wherever we go.

It’s as if someone has stolen a piece of our soul or our life force.

The numbers of sexual violations of children are staggering. According to Darkness to Light, a non-profit committed to empowering adults to prevent child sexual abuse, 1 in 7 little girls and 1 in 25 little boys have been sexually violated before their 18th birthday… and as if that isn’t staggering enough only 38% tell. 

What is most common is that a woman in her adulthood wakes up one day with her world… everything they believed to be true… crashing down. Men she knew… Men she loved… Daddy… Mommy’s boyfriend… Uncle Henry… made a choice which sent her world completely sideways.

The Psyche of a child develops in 7-year increments. The first 7 giving us the default lens through which we see the world. The next 7 prepare us for puberty. The natural entrance into the world of sexual awakening and desire.

A human that has been given the opportunity to grow and develop in a natural way has a foundation of Self-worth, Self-trust, and an accurate inner compass. They have the resilience and integrity to speak and act in response to the complexity of thought that comes with the introduction of sex.

Much like the trunk of a tree being able to withstand a windstorm without splitting while a bush gets blown all over the place.

When a child is introduced to sex at the age of 3… or 5… 

  1. They have no words to describe what is happening. 
  2. They are dealing with a fracture or discrepancy between what their bodies are feeling and what their mind is knowing. 
  3. They are having to get up and quite possibly have breakfast with the same daddy that the night before is getting his jollies touching her sacredness. The body parts that more than likely she doesn’t even know the correct name for yet.
  4. She has to keep secrets.
  5. She’s forced into a triangle she doesn’t comprehend.

She’s the other woman?

  • She has guilt and shame for hurting Mom.
  • She learns to forget.

90% of childhood victims know their abuser. The younger the child the more likely the abuser is a family member.

And this isn’t just happening once… rarely is that true. What’s more likely? This is happening repeatedly over a period of years.

She lives in a war zone that isn’t recognized.

She fights the battle of the hero and receives no metal.

She lives with PTSD and is not validated.

She bares our worlds children.

Cycles are perpetuated.

Integrity… inner strength is compromised on all levels. 

Physically, Emotionally, Mentally, Behaviorally and Spiritually.

For this child fear has entered. With fear comes the need to hide, fight, control or defend.

Complex PTSD… PTSD that comes from childhood trauma are primal fractures. Much like a little seedling tree that gets stepped on, over and over again, it grows in between… split… fracture… leaning sideways.

When fear enters decay is right on its heels. Fear keeps us turned around backwards making our horrors of yesterday into our life today. Our trajectory quickly goes from the flight of a rocket ship to the sideways stepping of something or someone in the shadows.

So, if this is you! Honor yourSelf. You did that! You already fought that battle! Now today you have a choice to dive in and open the doors to life!

Love her enough to hear and recognize her… your truth and know you are amazing. 

PTSD is contagious.

Sexual abuse travels through generations. Unless we choose to stop it!

You can break this cycle so your children can live life with the strength of the grand old oak tree. Strong and solid… Voice intact. Knowing what she wants and who she wants to do it with.

It’s her body! It is your body!

Today you get to choose!

PTSD is not a life sentence! You’re not ill. You’re not crazy!

There is relief for women who are waking up to their trauma!

  1. Listen to yourself!
  2. Validate her. There is no touch too small to cause dis-ease!
  3. Explore what is acceptable for you… what you want and what you need!
  4. The guilt and shame are not yours! You did nothing wrong!
  5. Speak your truth… When your ready! 
  6. You can’t change your mind without changing your environment… So, switch some things up.
  7. Soothe and nourish your body through the water molecule with loose leaf herbs. If you can find fresh that’s my favorite. A sprig of rosemary or lavender steeped in hot water!
    • Rose hip: Soothes stomach muscles and helps with cramping.
    • Nettle: Vitamin A, C, K and magnesium, phosphorus, potassium and sodium, contains all essential amino acids, helps with inflammation.
    • Lavender: Helps improve sleep, helps skin blemishes, natural pain reliever, reduces blood pressure and heart rate, helps relieve hot flashes, anxiety and overwhelm.
    • Lemon balm: Digestion problems, helps with upset stomach, bloating, intestinal gas, vomiting and colic, great for pain relief, cramps, headaches. Aids in relief from mental disorders, including hysteria and melancholia.
    • Jasmine: Headaches, sunburns, rashes, irritability, sexual problems heat exhaustion and sunstroke, pain, anxiety, depression and uterine problems.
    • Red raspberry: Vitamins B, C, and E which are helpful for their immune properties and boosts energy High in magnesium, potassium and iron helps with skin irritations.
    • Skull cap: Anxiety and nervous tension. Insomnia and sleep disorders soothes symptoms of withdrawal from drugs and alcohol, helps with menstruation.
    • Rosemary: Antioxidants and anti-inflammatory compounds. Improves digestion, enhances memory and concentration, neurological protection, prevents brain aging.

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Tips for Making the Most of Your Time

Tips for Making the Most of Your Time

Science says that time is not linear. All things are happening at once and time takes form by where we put our attention. Time is an illusion that we have established collectively to measure our lives and is only tangible when connected to an event. James gets home from work at 5:30.  The train rumbles by at 3. But without the train? Time stretches on.

So if time is infinite, or just an idea, we choose to make it what we want it to be.

Back when my daughter was in design school she showed up on my doorstep feeling overwhelmed and snowed under. She saw no feasible way out from under the mountain of work she had ahead of her.

So much to do and so little time.

She was exhausted and working around the clock. It was fashion show time. Her collection was chosen for the spotlight of the big fashion show closing out the year. All she could see was stacks of work and her focus was embedded in a since of lack. She was sure she didn’t have enough time. She was sure her collection wasn’t going to be ready.

As we talked I shared with her something I learned from one of my retreats with Deepak Chopra. Our experience is defined by where we focus our attention and sealed up with the words we choose to define it. What if we began to turn our focus from the clock and instead focus our energy on the gaps in~between the doing and be grateful. Say “thank you” out loud for this gift.

Where we put our energy… Expands. Good, bad, or indifferent.

The object of this process is to begin accomplishing more while doing less.

We are all allotted the same amount of hours each day. What we choose to do with them is up to us.

So first up is to examine where our time is going.

What activities or lack there of consumes our time?

What are we trying to accomplish?

When we are struggling with time we often have our plates full with stuff that could just as easily carried out, and quite possibly with a better result by someone else.

Nice gets in our way here.

So when approached with more doing “Is this mine to affect” is my first thought!

Because so often we feel burdened by saying yes spontaneously and walk away kicking ourselves, knowing that something will have to be sacrificed to make room. Where do our priorities lie? Then we feel guilty for overextending ourselves to the detriment of everything else… often our family. Their needs are pushed aside. That’s not doing anyone any good. Have you ever asked someone for a favor, and you could tell they didn’t really want to help or didn’t have the time? Didn’t their help feel more like a burden than a blessing?

In our society of busyness our challenge is to step back into our observer space and reassess what and how we are showing up and what affect your input is actually having? Could it be done by someone else better and with more efficiency? Are you feeling depleted from this task? Do you experience Joy from this interaction?

Is this mine to affect?

Often, we’re taught to be nice and do and give. I feel it important once we have seen where our time is going to understand the “why” around our need to swoop. I find the confusion around nice and kind often the culprit. Many of us were taught to be nice. To give… give… give. At the expense of ourselves and our families. Nice is a thought that comes from our head. Niceness is most often depleting and carried out through a sense of obligation. Kindness moves through us and never takes.

Maybe… just maybe… it’s not yours to do.

What if by us swooping in to save the day with our attention somewhere else… the job got done, mediocre, the energy left behind, mediocre. What if in “our” need to be relevant we usurped the real, true, person, the one the task was intended for.

Tips for expanding time:

  1. Get acquainted with your calendar
  2. Schedule in the fun first. Let’s make some room for some of those activities that have been pushed aside. You know those art projects that are hiding in the back of a closet somewhere, or that guitar that sits in the corner collecting dust. Pull them back out. Schedule them in and watch time expand and stretch.
  3. Create a list of the things you do in a day. Track how much time you spend on each activity and be truthful with yourself around what you are gaining and what you are actually giving to each situation.
  4. Lets rate these obligations and activities by priority. We have judiciously ran each one through the highest and best filter. Is this activity serving the highest and best of the recipient of my time? Is this gift causing others to sacrifice? My children? My family?
  5. After careful consideration we begin to add to our calendar the activities that we have decided to keep. We add them to the calendar with a generous amount of time for each activity.
  6. And we breathe in gratitude for the space in-between.

Chaos begins to slip away and time becomes a non issue.

Is this mine to affect?