Choosing Not to Suffer
Early on… deeply entrenched in my story. Deeply attached to my suffering, I am sitting in the audience at (probably) my second Chopra event. When I heard him say for the first time…
“Pain happens… Suffering is a choice.”
The bile in my stomach began to roll around. I did not choose or have a choice to make the stuff that happened to me as a kid. That happened to me. I did not call that to me in any way. I did not create it.
I hoist my introverted self to the microphone and meekly ask how he viewed this in reference to childhood adversity? No child asks to be born. No child chooses to have their parents make choices that harm them.
As he goes into his conversation about soul contracts. Our souls coming in with the game board set to learn what is necessary for us to fulfill our service to the planet. My mind was installed mode. I was still hung up on this tiny little question.
How long had it been since I had been hurt?
He didn’t wait for my reply. It is a good thing because I was speechless. My brain was stalled.
I moved away at 23 to a completely different part of the state. And I suffered. No one was harming me in any way that I wasn’t allowing it.
I have watched women free themselves from abusive husbands or lovers only to sit at home alone and suffer. Ruminating over every detail. Spinning the story this way and that to substantiate their need to reconnect.
The energy it takes to keep back the waves is exhausting. Inwardly we are leaning in with all we have against the breach.
Are we reaching back grasping for an idea that we once held as truth?
That was it.
My story… I could and would reiterate it at the drop of a hat. In my need to put the pieces together, I told it over and over. Therapy. I tell my story. Doctors. I tell my story. I was constantly looking for “normal” or what I perceived that to be. I watched carefully the reaction of others in an attempt to understand and find that barometer. I wanted to be seen. It didn’t really matter in what light.
From here we step into victimhood.
I got smacked in the face with this one as well. Victimhood is just the opposite side of the coin as Narcissism. “I” begins each sentence, with “me” usually holding up the rear. Oh, and we should, for sure, throw in a few “he did this to me’s.” Right?
My story of my pain and suffering became my life.
40 some odd years after the fact that was my life. I was living each day as if it all happened yesterday. The pain equally as real. The trauma equally as intense, as if I were experiencing it today.
What you interact with becomes solid.
So the first step is understanding and acknowledging that you do have a choice.
It took years for me to actually digest that.
Modern science says that every possible scenario for every moment is happening at the same time. So we change what we live by changing what we choose to see.
One of the great masters claimed… Be careful creating rules around my teachings because then you have to live there.
This applies to any story or structure that we create. Our lives, our experiences, our relationships all have to fit within our framework or all hell breaks loose… Disappointment.
We get attached to ideas of what we wish were true. What we wish had been and we struggle to make what we have fit.
The struggle is not the truth.
The struggle is about the denial of truth. The denial of all of the red flags that have or had popped up around. You know, the ones that you ignored or you chose not to see.
See even subconsciously, we know that what we interact with becomes solid. Intuitively, we know that once reality is acknowledged there is no going back.
It is interesting that the idea of freedom from struggle is so scary but it is.
A teacher that was instrumental to me during this part of my journey was Adyashanti.
My stories were starting to crumble and I was petrified. This book ends up in front of me. The End of Your World… In this book, he describes the pitfalls and thoughts that surround waking up. The ground,
precarious as it is, begins to shake. The first stone to tumble starts an avalanche.
Waking up, be it is seen spiritually or healing, walking out of the story is walking out of story…
Destination: A mindful life built on awareness. Foundation? Truth
Life seen through the eyes of truth looks very different. Here the lens turns inward and we evaluate how we are showing up. What words would you put in place around how you are perceived by others? Who is responsible for that? How many choices are you handing over?
What do you bring to the table? It is important to begin our truth search within ourselves. Changing you changes everything! When we understand that we have choice…
It becomes our responsibility to shift the cycles that play out in our lineage. Be it poverty, abuse, domestic violence, disrespect of minorities and women… the healing you create runs both forward and backward. The children in the world will thank you!