Today I Really want to discuss something rarely talked about… Familial allegiance to the abuser.
I watch the same scenario play out again and again… the family is in complete denial of the victim’s experience.
Now what we need to digest here is that in that denial, they hold support for the abuser. So often the abuser is still held within that family. I’ve watched families where, it is very clear… That’s my brother, I’m going to stand beside him or that’s my dad. Uncle Clarence? He didn’t do anything to me… But the best is… Well, what did you do to cause it, right? What clothes were you wearing? How could we possibly let this it will ruin a him?
And often these are children. It’s no wonder these memories are hidden away in these loops for another day.
When you know that you’re speaking your truth is going to create divide, and you’re going to be the one divided out… As if you’re the cancer and you’ve done nothing wrong.
This is a really big deal.
Familial allegiance to the abuser is a mountain the survivor has to climb. A hurdle that the outside world has to start recognizing.
Judgement around this choices scope then widens out into the societal judgment around the importance of family.
If you had a family member that was murdering people, would they say that? Or if you know, your family was harboring a rapist that was raping and hurting women outside of the clan.
What would that feel like?
I remember saying one time, Hey, how about this? How about this Thanksgiving? I stopped by the prison and I pick up a rapist and I bring him to our, our family dinner. Their response was one of disgust of course. The difference still escapes me today.
A predator at the table is a predator at the table.
What we need to understand is that when a child encounters, something like this, and they’ve got people fighting for them, it’s a blip on their timeline. A blip with a beginning and an end. The ones they “trust” are fighting to protect them… They move on without a hiccup.
The consequences of telling a child to keep a secret…. or when they are accused of wrong doing… or their perception is doubted… All of this creates a fester that lasts a lifetime!
So collectively we have to start standing our power. Call in clarity and bravery and put allegiance beside the right person.
The right-minded thing is we don’t have sex with children. We don’t beat our children.
We’re here doing the best we possibly can as their guardians, until they can care for themselves and enter the world ready to do what they came here to do.
PTSD is contagious. Wholeness is contagious. Look around. We have to fix this.
I’m going to put a link to The Today I Choose audio series walks you through a progression of choice-making.
Get up and move. Move your body… Dance. Get physical. These audios are happy.
Doing the thinking required to bring clarity in around what you want or what Self-respect would look like is a must.
When we start taking back and recognizing that we’re taking back our choices, we’re taking back our power.
This is your game and only you can play it.