Early on in my process, I found myself led to the first of many retreats with Deepak Chopra and the late David Simon. This was my first step up onto the water’s surface. The idea of spending this sort of money in one pop was huge in and of itself. But I made the commitment, paid the deposit… and worried. How am I going to pay for this? Magically buried deep in a drawer of my huge antique double sided desk I find a bank bag containing –to the penny– the remainder of the tuition money for the week, alleviating the financial piece.
The next bundle of worry came with the travel piece. I hadn’t traveled much, by myself, not at all. I had only flown a few times. In the end, as God works in my life, this wonderful woman shows up in front of me whom at the first mention blurted out… “I want to go. I have always wanted to see him live.” She was my angel of the moment. She guides me gently through the edict of traveling. Who to tip… when to tip.
Another layer of fear diffused.
Our first day, we learn our mantra and begin to settle our minds. My mind is darting around. I can feel the energy and thoughts of those around me. I would open my eyes periodically to see if I was the only one having a difficult time. There were lots of antsy people, so I allowed myself to settle in without judgement.
“Tomorrow will be easier,” I tell myself.
That night as I closed myself into my room, I felt heavy and tired. So much emotion was stirring around all of the newness of the day’s events. I fell asleep instantly. Suddenly my eyes opened with a start. I had the most vivid dream… or was it?
Deepak appears suddenly –as real as you or I– and presses a pendant into my hand and tells me simply… “meditate with this tomorrow.” I couldn’t believe it. I fall back into a deep restful sleep easily. The following morning I am up and at it. I had to get down to the multitude of tables, full of baubles and mementos. I haven’t spent time there yet. I’m not much of a jewelry person. The symbol on the pendant was etched into my mind. I rush down and push my way through to the table’s edge and there it was. I pick it up and hold it in the palm that he had pressed it into and smiled. This is it. To top it off…The stone in the center… an amethyst… my birthstone of course. The kind woman behind the counter explains to me that it is the symbol for the third eye chakra. Third eye I ask… She answers with… “Yes your third eye, Ajna, governs intuition, psychic abilities, wisdom.” She was very excited and continued quickly. The morning session was getting under way. She wanted me to hurry. She said… “Take it go. If he told you to meditate with it then take it.” With credit card in hand, I object… “I have to pay for it.” She shoos me off… “Go… We will take care of that later.”
I find my friend. She was saving me a seat. I settle myself into a comfortable spot. The session begins. Mr. Chopra finds his seat in the comfy chair on the stage. We make eye contact, he gives me a nod, and continues on with a short talk before we settle into our morning meditation. I didn’t know how I was going to quiet my mind this morning. My brain was working hard to find a reasonable explanation and as we do… Explain away the magic.
The room quiets as much as a room of three hundred people can. We are all searching for that position that can be held without our body yelling back. The powers to be needed no ceremony. As soon as I close my eyes the vision starts.
I see a beautiful woman with long dark hair. She has a gold band around her head. The front comes up in an elaborate point at the top with a large brilliant blue stone adorning her forehead… over her third eye. Her dress was simple white robe gathered under the breast, and crisscrossing between her breasts with a gold cord. At her side was a ginormous black panther. My heart skips a beat. My brain is rummaging through all of my forgotten memories. Is that the same panther that used to visit me so long ago… in my childhood?
He acknowledges me with a bow of his head. The two are standing next to a pool of sparkling water. They were beckoning me to get in. I stand at the edge not budging. The scene shifts swiftly to a golden woman with many arms. She too urges me to get into the water. I again hesitate. Back to the beautiful woman and the cat. I can’t do it… I am petrified of water. I can’t make myself move. It is as if my feet were set in concrete. And then its over.
What did it all mean?
I rush from the room with a need to know. The fresh faced girl from earlier is anxious to know as well. She speaks as soon as she catches sight of me… “Well.” She asks? I share the vision… Her eyes wide. “Who was the lady at the water’s edge,” she ask? “Do you know?” I describe her in detail and the woman says… “It feels like Isis to me.” “Isis?” I say The young woman explains the Egyptian goddess as mourner, she was a principal deity in rites connected with the dead; as magical healer, she cured the sick and brought the deceased to life; and as mother, she was a role model for all women. She is often seen with the panther whose power includes astral travel, shape shifting, guardian energy, symbol of the feminine, death and rebirth, understanding of death, reclaiming ones power, ability to know the dark.
I look down at the table in front of me and spot a little golden statue with multiple arms (Vishnu)… The woman on the other side of the pool looked similar to this. Her eyes widen even more… “Thats Lakshmi.” I have no idea who Lakshmi is. She sees the disconnect in my eyes and continues… “The goddess of abundance. Lakshmi (Sanskrit: लक्ष्मी, lakṣmī, ˈləkʃmi) is the Hindu goddess of wealth, prosperity (both material and spiritual), fortune, and the embodiment of beauty. She is the wife and active energy of Vishnu. She nods down at the statue still in my hand.
I am not knowing at all what to make of this unchartered information.
Being the doubting Thomas that is my nature, I realize that I will not be able to share this story as truth until I hear first hand from Mr. Chopra’s lips that beginning with his visitation that what I am experiencing is real and not just my imagination. I follow him quietly from of the auditorium that afternoon. Once in the hallway, a few of the venders are milling around waiting for the release of the herd of people. I speak softly… “Mr. Chopra?”
He turns around slowly… “Yes.”
“Can I speak to you for a moment?” I ask meekly. He nods. I continue. “I had a dream last night.” I look around nervously. “Did you come to my dream last night?” Again he nods and responds… “Yes.” I begin to get emotional. “So you actually came to my dreams? I wasn’t just dreaming.” Again he nods… and says simply, “Yes.”
“The vision?” He nods. “Thank you” is about all that I can get out between the sobs that I am fighting back. He turns to walk on but with a hesitation he turns back towards me and wraps me in a warm embrace.
I rush out to be alone with my torrent of tears. Such a gift I have been given.
I sit with my friend at dinner and I share the other worldly events that I have been experiencing. In her soft way, she says clearly… “You are being called to step into the healing waters. You are guarded and protected. It is your choice. You have the opportunity to shed your pain and suffering and step into the abundance life has to offer or you can choose to stay where you are. You are being offered Joy!”
“But I couldn’t do it'” I say to her with an urgency. I was so afraid.
She smiles at me with a soft sweet smile. “You will… Now you know that you can!”
Affirmation: I step up onto the water’s surface and embrace my magic and the healing magic of creation with ease and grace.