Hi, my name is Cherie, this 2 part series, PTSD From the Outside, is in support of those of you out there that are trying to love someone that is suffering from trauma or abuse/ veteran or a mom. It doesn’t matter. I want to give you validation and some hope.
So, I am reaching out to you today because as you know they can’t always see it, and in the moments, that they do you need to be ready to offer something different. Am I right?
First and foremost take a bow. You are amazing. You are the one here doing the research. You are the glue. You are the rock.
They just can’t see it. It is their normal. Their default programming…
People fight. People say hurtful things. People hit. Love hurts!
If we take a quick glance at the chakra system. Each develops in 7-year increments. The root is developed in the first 7 years. The experiences of the first years create our default programming. Those experiences and the choices that were the resulting color the way we interact with the world.
It is almost as if you are speaking a different language sometimes. And we will come back to this in the next video when we talk about all this from the how and why it happens. This is in support of you.
I loved it and so did my family. They suffered because I suffered. So, don’t minimize you in all of this. You have to take care of you first.
And here is the thing.
A victim is just as narcissistic and inflicts just as much pain as the abuser.
It’s just different. So, you can have understanding, you can have empathy, compassion but this is affecting you. Love does not change that. I’m sorry’s don’t change that.
I watched my kid’s shoulders slump with worry. Kids should not have to feel responsible for their parents.
I was crumbled on the floor of my first home. I married and moved to Columbia. Life was good. Our lives were busy. I worked in a really cool salon here in town and my husband was teaching in the theater department at Stephens College. Life was really full. And then I got pregnant and the flashbacks started. My world began to shake. Memories were flooding in. I cried all of the time. I wanted to make a different choice. I doubted myself as a person. What if I can’t be different? What if what if?
Suddenly I was triggered by everything around me. My husband’s touch. His voice. His movements. I would get up at night and huddle in the bathroom. In the dark. Before long he became the enemy. He could do nothing or say anything right. I felt like a small child trying to be a grown-up. Which is the reality on a level was true.
So back to the beginning my daughter is born. Does she feel safe with me? NO I didn’t feel safe with her. She cried all of the time. I was constantly threatening to leave. To run away. To be erased. I was sure that I was no good for anybody. I filled night after nights with tears or yelling and tossing accusations… at him but mostly at myself. He couldn’t win. He couldn’t change it no matter how much he loved me. And so, one night… My daughter is 7 months old and playing on the floor I’m huddled in the floor across the room all consumed by my suffering. Crying. She learned to walk that day. & months old to pat me on the back in comfort. On the day, she learned that I was weak and I was broken. The ground was not safe.
This is one story of years of their lives… Years of my life… So, my biggest gift to you is validation it is not you.
Do they suffer from:
Fits of inappropriate emotion
Circular engulfing thought forms
Have trouble sleeping/nightmares
sick a lot/ autoimmune issues are common
Inability to make choice/rash impulsive choices
These are a few of the of the top symptoms that most have when they are suffering from past trauma. They are diffused. Scattered. Literally. Their programming is faulty. So, there is really no need for you to try to make sense of it. Trying to make sense of it is like taking the audio of one movie and play in over the film of another. Nothing makes sense.
So, what to do?
Get a bell. Like a meditation bell, or a bowl, or a gong. Something that will shift the energy in the room. Now set this up beforehand. A time after an incident when things are fresh. And then I’m sorry’s are coming or the I will do anything. Right so use it. We are going to create a place of safety for the next time.
When either party rings the bell the expectations are:
Go for a walk
Create space in your house
If you want to set a time ahead of your choice. Say 30 minutes of uninterrupted space. On both sides.
This will give you both a momentary reset.
Now I want you to know that there is hope. It can be resolved. As we talk further and you have a clearer understanding you will see that there is a clear easy path leading straight to the life you want.
Again, I am Cherie you can find more at cheriedoyen.com
Thanks so much for watching!