I really want to address this idea that if we are doing our inner work that suddenly the people in our lives are going to behave differently as well.
As if the perspective of everyone you are struggling withs perspective will change with the wave of a magic wand.
The thought implies that in some way we are responsible for their actions while negating all personal responsibility on their part.
This is a new level of victim shaming. Religion put us in this category for eons. If we could just forgive them.
When I was protesting the involvement of one of my sexual predators at family gatherings, I was ask… What about forgiveness?
Well what is real and true is that this idea of forgiveness has perpetuates poor behavior and abuse. It has given the perpetrators the upper hand. They are relieved of all responsibility here in the 3d world.
And that’s where we live. Here on the mother earth with real live people. All of whom have choices to make and responsibilities to live up to as well.
Love your neighbor as yourself runs both directions.
Every tradition of thought claims us to be playing a game… The Game of life!
Choice being the catalyst for moving forward or sideways or backward.
If you aren’t moving, you aren’t playing.
And if you’re not playing someone will take your turn.
How they choose to play the game is their personal responsibility.
I know what is true, through personal experience and the experiences of those I work with, is this thought causes an immense amount of added suffering.
If I could just change enough, they will choose to love me.
Here’s what I know.
Forgiving them does NOT save the children that walk in your footsteps.
Most often there is a lot of resistance to the victims rise into the light. If they wake up and start talking others are forced to look in the mirror.
And here’s the thing.
What’s the old saying? You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.
When I was at my lowest point, I gathered up my dollars and booked my first event with Deepak Chopra.
The idea that we create our own reality was dripped into my consciousness for the first time.
I was undone.
My brain was screaming I did not choose this. I did not choose to be molested repeatedly.
I did not choose to be beaten and threatened with death.
He said yes, I understand, but you are choosing how you live today.
Again, undone but with the understanding that I DID have choices to make… AND my choices were about mySelf and what I needed to be healthy and strong.
Yet I also grappled with the repercussions that I could see looming.
This is the part the spiritual part leaves out.
I had to come home from the bliss of the Chopra event and reinsert myself into the reality that I had left behind.
And that reality came with the longing for the families I see others have.
It came with the hope that they would FINALLY choose me.
What was real and true was that Thanksgivings birthdays and Christmases were shared with child molesters.
Or… I chose not to be apart.
I’m sure many of you can relate to this scenario.
Either I give up everyone that I “loved”, or I choose to sacrifice any amount of Self-respect that I had acquired thus far.
The definition of insanity is making the same choice over and over again with the expectation of a different outcome.
I do not believe any God told them hey, make this child’s life miserable so she finally learns her lesson.
I do NOT believe that I made a pact with these human to molest me and keep me in line with the threat of the death of my family.
I do not believe that the little beautiful girl had the power to change that.
What I do believe is that HUMANS made those choices.
They chose their 5 minutes of pleasure over the 100 years that child had ahead of them to live.
What I do believe is humans are innately predators.
And we don’t teach our children that.
Again, the Spiritual world bypasses that.
Just like the animals in the wild, humans’ prey on the weak. They take advantage of the old and the young.
Scamming of the naïve and elderly is a multimillion-dollar business.
Our children are being bought and sold. Another multibillion-dollar business.
Mothers are bypassing what is best for their offspring to keep her man.
So, for those of you that are battling the idea of forgiveness please understand forgiveness is about you.
True forgiveness is giving yourself permission to walk in another direction. With grace.
We allow them the space to make their own choices with the acceptance that our voice, our courage in handing them back their responsibility may save the next human on the list from harm.
The old type of forgiveness and the idea that they will change if you just work at it hard enough…
Their change is their choice.
You take a bow in honor of their divinity.
You love the being that you know was intended to be.
You breathe into the suffering that you know brought them to where they are today.
With love you leave the door open for something new and different.
You love them as a cell in the body of humanity. (but even here… when a cell chooses to not be in support of the whole of the body… We call it cancer and we do what is necessary to regain balance)
In the words of the Great White Wizard… You will walk away from your mothers, fathers and sisters and brothers to follow the path of righteous.
You gracefully making choices that supports your integrity, your Self-awareness, your relationship with the highest and best of all that is… That’s why you’re here.
The rest is just, well, insanity.